For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

So, I had a very mini-fight with a friend tonight. Okay, it wasn't even a mini-fight. It was a random spot of frusteration. They're not always horrible, although (on my end) they feel horrible. Here's how it goes. Occassionally, I talk without thinking at all. When I do this, especially in an instance when I'm giving advice or trying to help, I come off as being really bossy and know-it-all-y. So I say something and then WHAM! It's an argument, quicker than I can ever imagine! and tonight when I tried to walk away from it I got a comment that went something like this "Dont' walk away from me." So I went back and this is what I got "You always walk away when I'm talking to you!" I asked if they were finished talking and then I lit out of there like a bat out of hell. (mind you, this whole thing took about 30 seconds.) Of course I get into my car a little irritated, a lot self-righteous and thinking how much of a total asshole this person can be, right? However, upon closer inspection I realize that, um, I overreact. Not just externally, but internally. I feel absolutely like death when I have any kind of disagreement with certain people. Also, I think a lot of the reason I don't fight well (or I fight too well, depending on how you look at it) is because I've been raised on fighting with my Dad about everything. Literally. We've fought from the time I was 11 until this very day. So when someone irks me and then gives me a typical, controlling, parental phrase, I go fucking insane and act like superbitch over something inconsequential. This person doesn't generally take my shit and tonight wasn't really an exception. But honestly, it started out innocently enough. I'm starting to see patterns in myself. Like, this tendency I have to express emotions meant for my Father onto anyone who's close and pissing me off at the second. But here's the truth, I get offended easily, I walk away from things, and I don't always choose my words carefully. I fight fight fight when there's nothing to fight for. But when there is something to fight for, I step back. Let someone else handle the big boys, right? I'm a coward. However, I'm lucky for 2 reasons; I have friends that love me even when I act completely ridiculous and I'm starting to realize these things about myself so that I can work on them. In this weird life-long quest to find ourselves, one cannot avoid repetition. Is it possible that all growing up is is recognizing, for better or worse, our patterns?