Timely Demise

Why is it that in the neverending struggle between reason and emotion, reason rarely prevails? Recently I find myself pitting what I know is true against what could possibly be true. My imagination stretches. My insecurities are running wild. At times during the day I can hardly hold myself together. I feel utterly alone. I don't know how to make others understand how I feel, and I don't believe they care anyway. It's like this- once you've been down, down enough to believe you'll never be up again, it's so easy to remember what that feels like. It's so terrifying to know that you could be face flat on the ground all over again without knowing how or why you got there, because you never know how you've gotten there. I feel like I'm pinned and falling at the same time, and all my struggling is useless; As though I create the waves that will ultimately cause my demise.

I've been thinking lately about a lot of things that have been told to me over my 20 years. At some point I think everyone goes against those things; those cautionary tales and warnings, to know find themselves. Sometimes it doesn't work and you either crawl back to those people who are handing out warnings, or you do something else. But if it works-if you go against everyone and succeed- how do you when to stop? I have rebelled and it has worked for me, but now I have unlearned how to conform. How do you know when the best thing for you is to stop fighting?