Someone Convince Me, Please.

Do people believe in religion simply to have a firm knowledge of where spirits go after death? I mean, really, is every Christian/Catholic/whatever, just in it for the comfort of knowing where they and all other good Christian/Catholics/Whatever will remain for eternity. Is that why people are so obsessed with 'saving' each other?

Sometimes I think that if I believed in "God", as it were, I'd be more comfortable with people and animals leaving the planet. There wouldn't be such a desperate rush to know everything and say everything before someone dies, because I would be confident that "one day I'd see them again". I don't know. I wish I believed sometimes. I wish I had it in me. But, I feel like that kind of belief is a lie you tell to yourself to soften blows that maybe shouldn't be softened. . It's interesting to me, because I wonder if I'm wasting my time. I wonder if, when it's time for someone close to me to die, I'll regret spending so much time at work and school. I need a direct visit from God and I need him to say "You like girls. Duh. I made you that way. You have a hard time with faith, duh, I made you that way. Just like everyone else I made, you'll be taken care of when you die." However, I fear that that isn't how it works... and that God is not the loving, caring, non-judgemental entity I want him to be. And this sets me back about 20 paces. I want to believe in something, but everything is a complete contradiction to my very being. Where's the balance?