Mortality

Miss Rusin died last night. Since no one who reads my blog knew her, I won't say much but to say that she'll be missed, and Christmas and 4th of July won't be the same without her. Blah.

I feel very mortal. The older generation in my family is dying quickly, the younger generation of my friend is getting married and having babies- and I feel like my whole life will consist of watching the older generation of my family die, and then those babies get married and have more babies and then those friends grow old and die... I'm having a hard time with all of this. I feel very depressed. I guess this is just the cycle of things, right? and statements like that are supossed to make you feel better- but they only make me feel worse- because stating that it's the 'cycle of things' just reinforces the idea that there's NOTHING you can do about it... and there isn't. I know it's only a matter of time before I get that call about my own grandmother, and then my parents and then me. It's the most terrifying thought I can have. What happens when I have a question or need the opinion of someone who doesn't exist anymore? How do you reckon with that?