Riding the Red Pony

It's 836am on Thursday. I've been at work for a little over an hour, but it feels like at least 4 already. I just looked at the clock and almost fell out of my chair. Shouldn't it be 1130 by now? I can't believe it! I have the most horrible cramps. I just popped a midol, and hopefully that will kick in soon. I usually have PMS really badly for a day or so, but this month I've been cramping and crying and producing grease in my hair since Sunday Night. That's 4 days. I can hardly believe it. I guess this is what I get for trying to "trick" my cycle so I wouldn't have my period for the weekend. The powers that be clearly don't like to be fucked with, esepcially not with a pill. What a joke to believe we have any control over our own bodies. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and I'm going to look him straight in the eye and say "I've basically been sick since October. Please please fix me." I had a little minibreakdown last night on the phone with Jaim. I know that it was a combination of the PMS, the nerves from class, and being over tired, but- in class I started to get really bad pain behind my ears and when I touched where it hurt I felt a little lump on each side. Of course, the irrational part of my mind took over first and my first thought was "omg. I have cancer." Then I thought it through. Of course, my lymph nodes are swollen. But why? WHAT NOW? Whooping cough? Bronchitis? Allergies? Cold Sores? Infection in Lungs? I've had it all this winter. I've felt like crap for so long that I'm getting bored with myself. I'm sick of being sick. Anyway, I will see the doctor tomorrow and I will try my best to get some resolution. Thanks, Void, for listening to me whine and moan. I really am a little scared. Does anyone think it's possible that it's just a fluke and I happenned to sick with a string of random things? I hope so. :-/