The Task At Hand (and my hands are shaking)

Yep, that soul-cleaning time has come again. Time to hash everything out and try to make things better. I'm terrified. I think it is my (no-so-secret anymore) fear that when I try to figure out what's going wrong, the answer will just be that I'm a terrible person and people are growing tired of me. I never really know how to do this talking it out things, because I come off much more self righteous and mean than I intend to. I get nervous and blurt things out that I don't necessarily want to say, that I don't necessarily want to bring into it, that I don't necessarily want the other person to know. People are constantly telling me things. People I know and- in some cases- people I don't know. I don't know who to believe. The thing is, maybe I should be believing everyone- that's what's so scary. Maybe everything I hear is true and I've been the asshole still following others like a puppy believing it'll get better. I hope everyone else is a liar and I'm just ultrasensitive. Uh huh. These are the things running through my head right now, but it appears that I've somehow messed up whatever plans I've made to talk, so it's all for naught and I'll have another 2 days,at least, to run all this around in my mind.