Twice as cloudy

My family is crumbling before my eyes. I mean, my family has always been crumbling, but now it seems that this final meltdown will land the pieces in other states. I honestly have no idea what to do with myself. The worst part of it might be that the person who's leaving doesn't want to talk to me about it. I had to ask, and that might be the single most hurtful thing in my entire life. Of course we fought, we always do. I can't control myself sometimes. So I start making accusations and acting crazy, and in return I'm told what a terrible person I am. I'm told that I'm not the problem, but then I'm told I'm exactly like the problem. I'm terrified. The fact that I am an adult is not making this process any easier. In fact, it might be making it more difficult because I have been trying to pick up the pieces and find answers that no one has. I want to take responsibility for everything, and I want to make everything okay. It's becoming more and more evident that this just isn't going to happen. So many factors go into this. I'm trying to see the positive in the situation, but the negative and unknown are blocking my vision.