brick walls.

I work with the most hellacious bunch of people ever. Besides a select few- and you know who you are- my workplace is pretty much hell on wheels. But it’s not actually on wheels because not only is it hell, it’s in a dungeon-like basement. Here’s my major rant; do people not have lives? Or do they just not have lives interesting enough to keep them from creating worthless, petty drama at their workplace? Certain individuals seem to just be intent on making other people miserable. Why? Because it makes them feel good? because they have to prove themselves ‘superior’ in the workplace pecking order? because everyone eggs them on? Because it’s so much fun? Because some people are assumed easy targets? Black, white, gay, straight, male, female, young, old. It seems to me that a very large part of the population judges a book by its cover. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being judged because of what I am and not who I am. It seems I fit into the most-hated categories when I come to do my job. Am I that scary? Am I that intimidating? Do I worry them so much? When I come to work in the morning and walk to my desk, does everyone think to themselves “How can we possibly get this person, who we think is so totally different from us, out of here?” I realize I sound a little narcissistic, and I also realize it’s not all about me personally, but it really seems to be all about what I am. Guess what? I can’t change what I am. So should I sit tight and let people do what they want? Should I speak up and therefore make myself into what they’re accusing me of? Does it even matter if they’re going to say and believe whatever they want?

Why is this stressing me out so much? Am I a total pushover for not going to the source of the problems and saying something-anything? Or am I the bigger person for not? If I knew what the best thing to do was, I’d do it. I definitely know what would feel better, but I also feel like I’m swimming upriver. How can I fight ingrained personal grievances against everything I am? If anyone has any suggestions whatsoever, help me out.