impending ______

I'm going to visit my Father next week. I'm not sure how this is suppossed to make me feel, neither am I sure how it is making me feel. I wish I had a simplicity of emotions. Few people I know have such a hard time deciding what they feel about things. Does anyone out there reading this have the same difficulties? It seems that people shouldn't have to decide ther emotions, and if they do- they aren't emotions, right? So, what's with me? I feel as though I need to decide how I feel about things and not budge in order to make me true, forgetting that emotions- like most things in life- are fluid. Anyway, I guess I'm not really looking for answer. (but if anybody has an answer, by all means...)