worry

Today has been pretty good, besides being sore from the work we did all weekend. John, Grace and I- between the 3 of us- mowed the lawn, weed wacked most of it, power washed the deck , cut down the bushes in front of the house and cleaned out the walk way. What a mess. it looks a thousand times better now.

I'm worried about someone. I don't know what to do about them and I don't like feeling the way I'm feeling.

I fucking hate you.

Can anyone tell me why I am so intensely hated at my work place? anyone in the whole world- just tell me why. I've been asked to take on a new job. Why? Because no one else wants to do it. Because the people I work with are so caught up with making sure that they don't do one iota more than they were hired for that they miss the big picture. This new job consists of taking phone calls from dealers and trying to research problems they are having with whatever. I expect to get maybe 4-5 phone calls a day. I'm here for 8 hours, I can handle it. However, my co workers are so crazy pissed off about this that it's becoming very likely that I will have a melt down due to all the shit I am getting from them. "I'm not doing that shit. If certain people think they a jack of all trade and want to prove themselves better, fine. that ain't my job." Okay, then SHUT THE FUCK UP! Just leave me alone for one goddamn minute! I come here, I do my job, I don't bother anyone and these people go out of their way to make me miserable. I am so fucking sick of it. I can't go one fucking minute without these people saying something about me, shooting me a look, sucking their teeth at me, complaining about me etc etc etc. It's starting to really get to me. To the point where I want to just scream "STOP ACTING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING 3 YEAR OLD AND DO YOUR JOB!!!!!!" It would solve nothing, but I'd feel a hell of a lot better. As it is, I need to find a way to get my anger out that will not get me fired or land me in jail. I'm fully aware that there's no one out there who cares enough to comment on my blog anymore, but if anyone who happens upon it can provide some advice- I really really need it. Other wise, I know some cunts who are going down.

How happy are we that it's Friday?

Wow, what a week!!! Between giving 6 gallons of blood, visiting several doctors, going crazy on new medication, cutting back the smoking BIG time, realizing that everyone I work with hates me and effing up my car this week, I'm really really really ready for the weekend. and possibly a glass of wine... or a bottle.
I feel like everytime I post it's always "wah wah wah" but this week has been incredibly sucky. Yesterday morning, around 630am I was going to visit the vampires (labcorp) again so they could steal my blood. I was tired and since I'm not allowed to smoke on my new medicine and I wasn't allowed to have caffine before my blood work- I was super fucking grouchy. I turn into Crain Towers and BAM! A nasty little curb jumped right in front of my rear right tire. I pulled into the nearest spot and as soon as I hopped out of my car I heard *pssssssssstttttttttt*. Yeah, my tire went completely flat in around 3 seconds. Really. So I called Saturn roadside assistance so someone could come and change it and was greeted with "Oh, your covereage expired at 60,000 miles. I can send someone out, but I'll have to price quote you and you'll have to pay for it up front." Looovvveeelllyyyyyy. Anyway, I accepted, went to the vampires and then came back outside to wait for someone to change my tire. They were very, very late. like an hour late. and guess who the tire-change-guy was? You guessed it. DRUNK TIRE GUY! I almost peed myself. I couldn't believe it. Thankfully I saved his number in my phone just for this kind of emergency. In any case, he did not try to pick me up this time and did not tell me he had been drinking rum and coke for a few hours before comeing to my aid. He put on my spare tire, which is literally the size of a donut- I'm always so scared to drive on it- and left. I was 2 hours late for work and now have to pay $200 to get a new tire and get my car realigned.
In other news; Everyone at work is having lunch together- except me. Why? I wasn't invited. Shocked? Don't be. They hate me. Maybe because I'm somewhere around 20+ years younger than 90% of my co workers? Maybe because of my race? sexual orientation? Lack of religion? Who knows.

anyway, my break is almost over so I am going to go back to listening to The Mopod show and pretending that I have friends in the building (even if they are imported directly through my ear buds).

Happy weekend!

blaaahhhh

So I've decided that I need to gradually cut back on smoking and then try to quit. Other wise, I will lose all my friends and gain 75 pounds. That's my story. I feel like a complete failure- really- but that's how it's going to have to be for now. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can make this a little easier on myself? PLEASE!

Smoke:(

I have not smoked since Sunday evening. That makes me smoke free for... somewhere around 42 hours. I kind of want to hit someone. I'm trying to think about possibly getting braces, going to London, getting my car paid off, and all the other good things that are going to happen soon and trying NOT to think about going to the store and buying a pack. This fucking sucks.

I think I'm worth more.

I am worth $1,398,180 on HumanForSale.com
How much are you worth?

Nightmares & Monsoons

Wow, what a nasty past 12 hours.

I fell asleep around 11 and woke up at 1am because I had a terrible nightmare about almost being carjacked and seeing someone murdered right outside my car. Then I woke up again at 345am and then again at 640am from another nightmare where my Father had to bludgeon my cat to death because he was locked in our attic for a whole summer. Yes, i said 640, which means I woke up almost an hour late today. I usually leave my house by 645. Oops. When I got ready and made it to my car I found that I had left my windows down during the monsoon that occurred last night so my seats and textbooks were soaked. Then when I got to work, laura (my only friend left in the building) quit. I feel queasy and gross and it's overcast and damp outside which always causes me to feel deeeply, perpetually tired. not to mention I can't stop thinking about my nightmares. Yes, I'm bitching. It has not been a good day.

Just felt like updating the world on my crabbiness today.

Rufus Wainwright

"Going to A Town" is so beautiful. I'd love to write how much I love it, but it's so much better if you listen. It's more than worth the .99. Promise.

Anyone who says it's anti patriotic needs to listen harder.

in other news, I got 100% on my midterm.