What's that say about me?

Random (sometimes) entertaining prattle from the mind of a rather ordinary girl with extraordinary powers.

Monday, August 13, 2007

It's not you, it's both of us.

I am so frustrated. I can't make any of my friendships right lately. I have on friend who will spend no time with me, and another who will only spend time with me when it suits their inclinations and their mood.
One of my friends ditched me on my birthday (not for the first time) because she 'has no money'. She then posts myspace messages about all the fun, expensive things she did with her friends the weekend of my birthday and the next weekend. Some pretty harsh words were exchanged. We've never really fought before. I want to call her and apologize- just so things won't be tense between us- but I'm not sorry. Everything I said was true. I'm worried that she's enjoying our argument- she doesn't have to see me or feel bad about not seeing me. Double prize. I don't like feeling like an obligation. I'm afraid that if I call and fix this but it still continues to happen, we won't be able to be friends anymore. I'm not really sure what to do. I'm trying not to let myself get walked all over, but it really hurts either way.
I made a complete ass of myself this weekend. Someone else I'm very close to pissed me off and I let me PMS and the vodka I was drinking take hold of that emotion and turn me into a monster. My initial feelings were completely valid. I need to talk things out, but I can't. I can listen to everyone else, I can be their shoulder to cry on- but the favor can't be returned. I don't know who's to blame for this. Are the people I'm closest to really as hard headed and unapproachable as I believe them to be? Or do I psych myself out before even opening my mouth, anticipating the attitude I think I'll get and come off defensive and catty? I guess it's fully possible that all of my friends are completely open, honest, and willing to listen to my every heart's desire and pain, but then it also has to be possible that I'm a spoiled, selfish child. Somehow I think we're landing somewhere in the middle. Anyway, the moral is: I have no friends that I'm not fighting with lately and I'm starting to get depressed about it. That's the trouble with standing up for yourself- you find that people don't really care enough. It's all good when you're a doormat, but when you stand up they'd rather walk the other way.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me!

I have a whole new appreciation for my Mother. I don't know if you've noticed, but recently in Baltimore it has been 100 degrees. Yes, 100. This seems bad enough, but wait, there's more! With humidity and smog, it's been FEELING like 105-115. Do you have any idea how disgusting this is? (Since the only people who read my blog are local, I think, you probably do) Now imagine being 9 months pregnant in weather like this. I would probably lock myself in a freezer. My birthday was Saturday. 23 years ago I was born on one of the hottest recorded days in history. Thanks Mom.

I had a lovely weekend. Friday night Lauren and I went out shopping in preparation for her wedding (which was yesterday) She plans pretty nice nuptuals for 6 days of work. Saturday John, Mom Grace and I all piled into the XB and went to Rehobeth beach where we sweated and sweated and sweated until we just couldn't sweat no mo'. We had some drinks, some food, some shopping and a tiny bit of beach and then headed home. Sweet. Sunday morning Jai and I drove to Philly for the Tegan and Sara concert! YAY! It was AMAZING! They played a 2 hour set- which is unheard of. They were absolutely adorable, I cannot wait to see them again. Then we drove back to the hotel... okay, before I tell this part of my story, let me preface it with this- it was raining, it was a strange city, there was construction everywhere and I was lost.... so I hit a curb and it didn't seem too bad. Who doesn't hit curbs? The world is full of them. We didn't even hit it hard enough for me to get out and check the tire, because it just didn't seem like a big deal. Until we got on the bridge. Yeah. All of a sudden my girlfriend's car is making this horrendous sound and there's smoke soming from the front left tire. Lovely! I pull of the first exit (there is no shoulder on the bridge, naturally) and pull her car onto the exit ramp. I immediately call 911 because we're on the exit ramp right around a curve and I have no desire to die in Philly (with the meanest people in the world). 911 is mean and acts like I'm speaking Greek. "Going east over the bridge, I took the exit for 19th steet and Market and I'm on the exit ramp" apparently means nothing to them. I then call roadside assistance. I kind of know how to change a tire, but I wasn't about to risk being in the middle of the street around a curve where people are flying by doing between 70-90 MPH. So we wait. I'm trying to stay calm. I'm watching the cars come around the bend and NOT slow down and every time I see headlights my stomach knots up and I'm pretty sure they're going to hit us. They don't. after 20 minutes 911 still hasn't arrived, I'm so worried about getting slammed into that I'm making myself phyisically sick-I just want to police to get there and put on their lights and alert people that we're there. I call 911 again. I have never been treated so rudely in my life. They told me they can't find me. They don't know where I am, they went all up and down market street and there's no car. I politely remind them that I'm on the exit ramp, and this is why my situaton is so dangerous. She says "We didn't see you there either, what are you near?". Again, I repeat that I'm on the exit ramp, near a hospital. This goes on for a few minutes. I am hating this woman more and more every minute and nervously looking in the rearview mirror sure that every car that flies around the bend is going to kill my girlfriend and I (and at this point I'm only sad that my girlfriend will die). 911 says "Whatever. I'll send someone out.. AGAIN." as though I am the biggest inconvenience in the world and hangs up. As soon as we hang up, the tow truck arrives, at least 30 minutes before schedule. He changes the tire in 15 minutes flat and we're on our way. 911 never arrives. We go back to the hotel and my wonderful, sweet, girlfriend plays my favorite Tegan and Sara songs the whole way home and tries to get me to sing and be happy with her. It almost works, but it's still raining and I'm still freaking out. Finally, finally, finally we make it back to the hotel. The next morning it's no longer raining. We take the car to the mall in Maple Shade, NJ (Sears Auto) to get a new tire put on. It's cheaper than we thought, and takes less time than we thought so we're pretty happy.... until we realize the hubcap is missing. So here I am, fighting in the parking lot with a mechanic who says that there was no hubcap to start with, although we put it in the trunk the night before. It takes everything in me not to unleash all my feeling on this ugly, rude man. Before it gets too bad my girlfriend says "Let's just go, forget it." and we take off. So let's recap. I wrecked her tire and got her hubcap stolen all in about 10 hours. She appears to still love me. Wonders abound. Anyway, my birthday was wonderful- but not thanks to the weather (which fucked me TWICE) or the customer service of Sears and 911, but because I have people who love me. :) So, Happy Birthday to me!