Bummed

The gym was closed this morning. I missed my morning work-out and had to change in the public bathroom like a hobo before work.
Everyone on my team hates me, and take every opportunity to snap at me as though I'm a puppy that peed on their carpet.
I'm bummed today. It's only 830. Help?

Nacreous Girl

Okay, so I've been going to the gym in the morning for about 30 minutes just to get in shape a little bit and get myself ready for my day. As much as I love it, it's still difficult to drag my corpulent butt out of bed every morning and get there. However, when I arrive there are always the same few people there so (with the exception of one super skinny bitch who basically walks around in a bra and blonde ponytail) I feel kind of like I belong. We are one sweating, running, mastering the stairs, crunching mass and I like it. One of the people who works out is a girl about my age. She's really cute and a tiny bit dyke-y so i thought "Perfect! She will now be my friend!". This is how my mind works. So I said hi to her one morning and to my surprise she completely ignored me. Like, not even a head nod. I was a little miffed so I decided not to befriend her anymore. Again, this is how my mind works. But this morning we were putting on our makeup together at the sink so when I walked out I said "Have a nice day!", which I think is perfectly expected after working out, showering (insert fantasy here), changing, fixing your hair and applying mascara next to someone. BUT SHE SNUBBED ME AGAIN. This time she looked at me and her eyeliner pencil wavered, but not a word. When I relayed this story to a friend she said "She doesn't say hi back because she doesn't want to encourage you to talk to her. She doesn't like you." Which I thought was a little mean, and completely unacceptable. I have no trouble making friends. I have no trouble letting it go when someone doesn't like me, but for a reason! In any case... it bothers me. So now this completely inconsequential person is like piece of sand in my shell.
She's dangerously close to making a pearl.

The Death Mug

My girlfriend must secretly hate me, for she is trying to make me miserable and maybe even kill me in an extremely sneaky, underhanded way.
The Death Mug. How did she find it? Where did it come from? Who disguised such devastation in the form of a cute handled cup with a painted lion on it? Had I not been so keen or had she been more keen I would have used the cup and the misery would have began. However, I read the sticker on the side that she neglected to remove.
State of California, prop 65: this product contains or may contain a chemical known to the state of california to cause cancer and birthdefects or other reproductive harm... oh any by the way, user, this product is excellent for getting rid of unwanted lovers without causing a scene. She gets a present and you get your freedom back.
Maybe she should have given it to me full of coffee and draino. Maybe full of ice cream with shards of broken glass. Maybe she should have just thrown it at my skull really hard. Either way, I found the sticker and will not drink from the cup. Better luck next time, baby. I'm watching you.