W.V, Mountain momma.

So I'm at WVU. I was going to post when I was in Frostburg last night, but apparently out of 1,000,000 computers o campus, none work. So I'm here with Jaime. Rock on! Love!

Who knew?

So I should definately be doing something more productive than downloading AIM onto a school computer and blogging. However, since I have no means of getting the paperwork I need to do the assignments, I will rely on my almost masturbatory blog to keep me occupied. The end of the semester is so close, I can literally feel it coming. For some reason, while sitting in Math today I started thinking "You know, I could take a couple summer classes. It wouldn't be so bad..." then I stopped myself. Almost went off a dangerous cliff there. It's getting to that point in the semester where everytime my alarm clock goes off I sit up for a few seconds and think Wait. What am I supossed to be doing? Good times, good times. I'm ready for the semester to be over. In other news, I'm feeling much better than I have been for the past few weeks. I don't know what I can attribute this to exactly, but I'm thankful for it. Extremely thankful, in fact. There's more to life than feeling like shit and faking laughter, who knew?

Things that make me Happy

• Gwen Stefani’s “Holla Back Girl”
  
• The Cd John made for me Sunday night, because it includes Tom Jones, George Gershwin and “The Way We Were”.
  
• Midnight drives through Ellicott City
  
• The five voicemails I got today from Rachel, Kate, Tekoa, Rachel and Heather.
  
• The 40,000 text messages I get from Jaime everyday, and the 80,000 I send her back.
  
• Laughing hysterically at Aaron Neville’s rendition of ‘Ain’t no sunshine’ with John.
  
• That Kate came and sat at the bar for about 4 hours today to talk to me and make plans with. “Know why I’m here? Because you are.”
  
• The apple Kate bought for me.
  
• The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, especially our copy, because it’s special and completely priceless.
  
• That Rachel brought me TSOTTP because she knows I’ve been having a rough time, and because she’s an amazing person and friend.
  
• That Steve came to visit me at work today and called me his “beautiful baby” and hugged me really tightly.
  
• Tekoa, because I’ve never felt so loved and appreciated as I do when I’m around her. Ever.
  
• Voicemails that say “Hey Jamie, just calling to see if you want to go get your eyebrows done today. Well, with me. They really need it.”
  
• Being confided in and trusted.
  
• When my sister comes to visit me at work.
  
• Seeing Grace do so well.
  
• That school is going to be over in a few weeks.
  
• That I’m going to see both Tekoa and Jaime this weekend.
  
• Realizing that going on a bad date isn’t the end of the world.
  
• That I have a friend (several, actually) who will answer my phone call at midnight from the lobby of the movie theatre while I lament.
  
• That Jaime could trick me into talking to her last night, and that she was proud of herself for it.
  
• Seeing Rachel with a new, worthy, sidekick.
  
• Singing very loudly in my car when there’s no one else around.
  
• When Jae and Jess give me really good hugs for no reason.
  
• That I’m learning more everyday how to laugh at myself.
  
• “You look beautiful today! You have a glow!”
  
• That even when I royally fuck up, I have friends who love me.
  
• “Jamie, you’re wonderful and you have incredible patience.”
  
• When I get phone calls like this; “I needed entertainment because I’m walking home from the CAC, and you’re the first one!”
  
• Fiona Apple’s new CD.
  
• Sign Language
  
• Seeing a really good concert.
  
• Making new friends.
  
• Rhapsody in blue
  
• That, although there are plenty reasons not to, I am still loved.

Enough

Stop reading my blog. I'm at the end of my rope.

So true, so true.

Lydia

Which Tim Burton film character are you?
brought to you by Dave.

Garbage

Okay, so I've been a little lazy about posting, especially since the Garbage concert was last Thursday night. It was AWESOME. Really really awesome, not only because the band did an amazing job, but because John and I had a blast...Besides getting lost on the way there and the way back. We met some really nice people and that's not something we usually do. (Check out one of them here: Kenny) The show was incredible!!! Shirley sounded fabulous, and looked even better. (Set list: Queer, Bad Boyfriend, Supervixen, Stupid Girl, Run Baby Run, Hammering in my Head, When I grow up, Vow, Bleed Like Me, Paranoid, Push it, Only happy, Why Do You Love Me~ Think they'll be coming back for an encore!?~ Metal Heart, Cherry Lips, Sex is Not the Enemy)We got there super early, so we were the 4th and 5th people in line and therefore were right up front. I mean that literally; we were so close. Check the pictures on Kenny's website. We were as close as he was. In any case! Drama in line when some stupid people tried to get in the front. Complete morons; the guy called the police because a girl behind us threw an Altoid at his wife. Then he got all up in the faces of our new friends (We bonded over two kinds of Garbage; the band and the streets of D.C. Aaah.) I think that Altoid- guy may be the most hated man on the earth, right up there with Hitler and Dennis Quaid. Just joking, Just Joking; I know not everyone hates Hitler. Crap, where was I? Oh yes, the crazies. The police came and nothing really happened, but they def killed our buzz (all natural, of course) for a little bit. They got theirs eventually, thought. They weren't let in until after everyone else and I'm pretty sure some angry Garbage fan gutted them in the alley after the show. I'm way off topic. They were filming a video during this concert, apparently for a music video. Neat, huh? As per the set list, the last song was "Sex is not The Enemy" To more understand the situation, get lyrics Here. At the end of the song she flashed the audience, but she had on a flesh colored coverup. So when she flashes us, Cops come out on stage and drag her away. Read the lyrics, read my story. Staged for the video? YES! Seriously guys, people were crying and freaking out a protesting. Dumb! All right. Any questions? It's 1130p and I have to be up at 430am after barely any sleep all week. So. Ima go to bed. Maybe I'll post a more in-depth altoid story later. (and if Kenny, Ryan or Derek happen to make it here- HI!)

Down,Over and Out

I haven't been posting because I don't know what to say. I don't want to whine, but I don't have anything good to post. I don't feel like me. Rather, I feel like a very washed-out, high-strung version of myself. I'm not well. I don't know, it sounds weird to say it, but I guess I'm not. Today work was awful. There's nothing worse than feeling as low as you ever thought you could, yet still having to cheese it up for your District Manager. I'm pretty sure my Store Manager thinks I'm bipolar and suicidal. All I know is that I feel like complete shit. I feel like I'm separating from everyone, even myself. My friends must be at the end of their patience, because - with one exception- they don't want to see me. When I try to talk to people about things, they aren't in the mood. Sometimes I just want to be told that I'm cared about. I want to be told that I'm needed and that I'm not as inconsequential as I feel. I want to stop accidentally making people angry or annoyed. I've been writing a lot lately, but when I go back and read, it just makes me feel worse.I'm finding it very hard to get happy or excited about anything lately. I'm always tired and sad and worried. I just want it all to end.

Breaks Me

I am so confused, and I don't know what to do about it. I have these feelings. They aren't an odd thing for me, but the intensity this time is overwhelming. I can't tell anyone. It is incredibly frusterating to want to talk about something, but be completely, totally, utterly stuck. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do at all. So I guess I'll throw myself into school work and regular work and try to forget all the things that are eating me alive.

Thus Spoke

Yesterday was a good day. 24 hours (and counting) completely free of sugar and caffine. I did laundry, worked on my paper, got a lot of fresh air and exercise... It's like I was a whole different person. In any case, I slept really well last night and didn't have a headache all day. Maybe I can solve my medical mysteries alone instead of having them draw a million viles of blood from me next week. I'm dreading it more than I can express. I'm at school now, and I've just finished working on my Excel lab for computer science. Extremely tedious, much like everything else at school right now (except ASL). I have a 49% in my math class. I stayed after to talk with her about whether or not I should just drop the class and she said that if I can get a C on everything from this point on, I can 'achieve' a D in her class. I really just want my math credit and to get out of here. Especially with my new plan. I'm anxious to get started. Oh, I haven't told you all about my new plan? I think I'm going to go to school to be a sign language interpreter. Yes, seriously. I enjoy the language a lot, and my teacher was actually the one to suggest it to me. It's a two year program, but when I finish I will have a carreer, and one that I think I'll like. I'm going to go and look at the school soon, and if I like it and the curriculum, I might hold off on my bachelors while I do my certificate work. I'm a little scared to not get a degree like everyone else's. However, I desperately want to finally be able to answer the question "So, what's your major?" It's been 3 years since high school and while I've been in classes, I've never had a real goal. Most of who read my page talk to me on a regualr basis anyway, and for those who don't, there's the comment section; so- does anyone have an opinion/advice about this?

I deviate.

I really do.

Brace Yourself

I am having the hardest time with me right now. I'm so lost and so all over the place. I'm trying really hard to reel it all in before I have a nervous breakdown. I've been in bed for 3 days with Tonsillitis and it's given me a lot of time to think. First, I don't really know if I'm getting fired or not, but I've been thinking a lot about it and guess what? It would not be the worst thing that ever happenned to me. I'm not saying I want to be fired, but as a very wise person told me (aka Tekoa), it would force me to move on. And my friends, though they may be far and few between, know that moving on is not my strong point. So, I've decided to get my resume together and do the absolute best I can for my current job while keeping my eyes peeled for something new. (but you know that if they do fire me I'm going to be in tears for weeks.) In any case, I feel better now that I've come to some sort of resolution with myself. It's taken me getting really sick (again) and being forced to be in bed to make me realize that, hey! Maybe I really am running myself into the ground. So, it's 6 more weeks of this semester, and then major changes in my work and school schedule. What's the point of having a degree if I'm dead from a heart attack by the time I'm 30? Right? Right. Bottom line is this, I want to keep my job and I want to be good at it. I also want to get good grades and continue in my education. I want to attain my goals, whatever the are. So here's to trying to chill out a little bit and not kill myself.

Still Blurry, but a better idea of where the tattoo is. :) Cute, eh?

I have the coolest sisters/friends...Now Kate has a tattoo!!! (sorry it's blurry) Today Grace, Kate and I went to Mystic Tattoo and finally got Kate her Tribal Sea Turtle on her foot! SO very cute. Congrats, Katy.  

Help

I think I'm about a step away from being fired. I know I say it all the time, but this time I mean it. I'm pretty sure that Erik is just about fed up with me. He's writing me up for forgetting to drop my drop on Monday. How did I forget to drop my drop? What is wrong with me? Also, I called out yesterday because I woke up and could barely move. It's just now that I'm even able to sit at my computer for more than, like, 10 minutes. I have tonsillitis. It's incredibly painful and incredibly sucky. He didn't seem to believe that I was sick when I called. He seems very pissed off, and I can't say I blame him. I am fucking up in every area of my life. Work, school, my personal life; it's getting out of control. What if I'm fired, though? What am I going to do? I have bills and responsibilities. I don't have any work experience besides Starbucks. I've been there for such a long time, I don't know if I can do anything else. I feel like everything is falling apart. It's all my fault and I don't know how to fix it. Help! :(